Once we've gone through radial acceptance, re-evaluated our values and beliefs, and decided that the church doesn't coincide with our new journey, we have to figure out if we want to let others know. We may be in a situation where we've gone through this journey all by ourselves and our spouse doesn't even know about it. If this is the case, I would suggest talking to them before you tell anyone else. Most of the people I've talked to have said their spouse was grateful to know and was glad that they weren't being left out. It may take awhile to get on the same page, and it may even take going to couples counseling, but if both people are willing to listen to the other side, usually this can be worked through.
The next step is deciding whether to tell family, friends, neighbors, etc. This is completely a personal choice. Some people want it all out in the open putting it on Social Media, having conversations, or writing letters. Others quietly leave, never really making it known that they've left and only begin to talk about it when others ask. Either way is perfectly fine since we're the only ones that know what works for our own relationships. I would just encourage everyone not to feel embarrassed or shamed for leaving. We all left because of our integrity, not from our lack of it and even if others don't get it and it make us feel misunderstood, we know the truth. And remember, if and when they leave, they will respect us for it and we will be the ones they will search out for understanding and support.
Lastly, I think we all experience the feeling of now being on the outside. It seems we have become the enemy (even if that is only in our own head) and are now going to war. I think it's sad and frustrating that we can't just sit down and have truthful, mature conversations about what's going on with us, with them, and the church that's in between. If your like me, I really don't care if people stay in the church as they know ALL the information, and why some of us are leaving. I think there's a lot of miscommunication that could be cleared up if we could just talk about it. However, until that happens and after years of being out, I have finally stopped feeling guilty and misunderstood. Now I look at those who are still in and think, I don't know why they're still in... maybe they believe it, maybe they're on the fence, or maybe they can't leave for some reason. Either way, instead of feeling judged by them, I genuinely feel sorry for them for being stuck, controlled, and taken advantage of. I'm just grateful I was able to get out because, as we all know now, it's SO much better on the outside. Now I just smile, try to support them, want to give them a hug, and know that when they're ready, I'll be there with open arms, and a shoulder to cry on.
If your looking for individual help and support navigating your own faith transition, don't hesitate to reach out or book an individual coaching session. You can book online or contact me on this website. Also, don't forget to download the free Re-thinking Your Faith Packet, which helps organize your thoughts, beliefs, and perspectives, create a new value system, and figure out a new path according to your own inner compass!
Commentaires